What is love? It is unconditional. Anything else is not really love but how to define unconditional love?
Unconditional Love – Love in its purest form must be unconditional. One must love for no reason, as written by Marci Smirnoff, and that includes yourself. It is more than an act; it is a state of being. It becomes inherent. It is a personification of goodness or selflessness. You do not need to be a saint in order to achieve this. Start each day by loving yourself. When you wake up in the morning wrap your arms around you, smile and accept who you are in this moment. Affirm to yourself that no matter what is going on in your life it is temporary. It will pass. You are being taken care of.
Self Love – To love oneself is a rather difficult task in the Judeo-Christian culture because we are taught not to be selfish. Self-love is interpreted as a sign of selfishness, which in fact, it is not. The tips that follow, on negativity, are also somewhat ingrained in western culture since much of our education is based on being analytical. To be analytical, to be diagnostic can lead to being judgmental. So you have your challenge set before you.
Negative Thoughts – When you have a negative thought about someone make a conscious effort to remove that thought; to replace it with a positive loving one. Make an exercise of this. When you are walking and pass someone, noticing something about them that displeases you then make a conscious effort to remove that thought replacing it with something positive. It could be something as simple as noticing that the passerby has clean shoes. Then focus in on how that made you feel. I am certain that it was a better feeling than before. It relaxes the body, slows down the breathing and makes it possible to smile.
Negative Talk – When you are in the company of a group of people and the conversation is not making you feel good, then say “can we please change the subject?” Do not contribute to the barrage. Again you will be pleasantly surprised at how good that feels. And often the participants will affirm that the topic of discussion needs to be changed. Just before saying something ask yourself the question: “is this a slur or a compliment?” and if it is negative then do not verbalize it. Again the awareness of having made this decision gives one a very powerful feeling of being in control.
Mindfulness – Be mindful of what goes into your head: your thoughts. Make a conscious effort to practice living in this manner. Over time you will notice that those around you will be more and more in tune with your way of thing, your way of speaking and your way of acting. Like two tuning forks when one begins to vibrate the second one picks up the same vibration. Like attracts like.
Choose to move on – People will come into your life that simply do not resonate with you. You can choose not to interact with them. You do not need to be friends with every individual in this world. You can be dismissive with loving kindness. Do not think or speak negative thoughts about them. Simply tell yourself that you do not choose to interact with this individual. The message will be transmitted energetically without rancour.
Acknowledgement – As mentioned in the outset these suggestions are against much of our conditioning. Therefore, you may find that success does not come automatically. Do not berate yourself when you are not able to turn away from a negative thought or when you utter a non-loving comment. Acknowledge it and give yourself credit for recognizing it, for being aware of what you have just done. That itself is a step forward. Affirm that you will try again and look forward to success. Success will come.
Love is communicated in many times without words: with infants, with animals and often even with our peers. The energy of love can be transmitted without the use of words: with a smile, with a thought, with the eyes, with a hug or a touch.
The Language of Love – Probably one of my favourite contemporary authors is Paulo Coelho. I would like to share an event that he mentioned recently on his blog site. “… While I was waiting for him to finish the drawing, I realized that something odd had happened: we had chatted for almost five minutes without being able to speak one another’s language. We made ourselves understood only by gestures, laughter, facial expressions and the desire to share something. The simple desire to share something had enabled us to enter into the world of language without words, where everything is always clear and there is not the slightest risk of being misunderstood.”
What language do you speak? – Every living being strives for happiness. It is our quest. It is why we are here. The path to happiness is love and we express love by communicating it. Communication is so much more than the word. In fact, in many situations words are superfluous. They are not necessary as was experienced by Paulo Coelho when he was interacting with an artist on the streets of Prague. Let your language of communication be love.